Discovering the Message that Illness Brings

This is my story and here I am finally writing what I am living in the moment! It is time to roll this out as “I am the storyteller” so let the truth be told and so even though I’m feeling quite steam-rolled physically I’m determined to write it as I live it no matter what.
It is your own choice as to see this through the eyes of truth or fiction or a mixture of both. I say if it can be imagined then it can be so. I simply must first express it so that it may be fully experienced. Frequency and vibration don’t play quite the way they once did. Now it’s a whole new game of tonality. In the world of holographics, I find it now to be quite an interesting playground. I AM showing up to introduce what shall likely usher in a greater work to come.

I have been on quite the roller coaster ride for a number of years and never until “just now” began to get a glimpse as to what it has been all about. I’ve always been a creative writer at heart and it “is” one thing I truly find coming natural to me whether I am at my worst or my best. I am a storyteller first and foremost and now my adventure seems to take me into what I term “the crisis point”. I have been in and out of chronic illness since 2007 and have visited the death experience twice only to discover that death is merely an illusionary experience created by the mind. One merely changes form if they choose to let go of the physical template they are in. Life always has been and ever shall be circular in actuality. There is no beginning nor is there an ending. Yes, you heard me correctly; there is no beginning, middle nor end to any given experience in life and in fact in all experiences, lifetimes and events all happen at once. There is only one point in existence and that is the I AM which I AM and You Are. Space and time and thus linearity are created as well in the mind. We are truly One in every sense. The illusion of separation is invoked upon us at birth which is not spiritually a birth at all but merely an entrance into a reality that we are compressed into. We “are” and always “have been” Spirit (Energy). Creator and creation interacting as we take on a physical body in order to simply “experience being separate”. Compressed into a finiteness that is so confining that our ‘infiniteness” could never even begin to fit inside such a bubble of reality that is our matrix let alone a body. So we chose to “forget” and thus shed our magnificience and believe our selves to be small and life goes on until we begin to re-awaken to our true nature.

Now getting back to my “crises point” which has been a total mystery to the medical community. I’ve had test after test run on me which pretty much exhausted the gamut. Presently it is the neurologist’s turn to try and give this a name. I am very rapidly experiencing the loss of functionality in my physical body as it erodes away. Hey from looking at me you’d never know. I look great on the outside yet on the inside when on my feet I feel like death warmed over much of the time. An enigma cloaked inside of a mystery; go figure! I give my best to proceed onward and forward with the attitude “as though I were feeling great”. Now if I could just feel what I emanate. Now that takes alchemy! A life confined now to primarily remaining seated or laying down, my mobility has a seemingly entered a de-crescendo-ing eclipse that has for the most part brought my life to a standstill. The pain levels are on the rise and yet I seem to process the pain so I can allow myself to fully feel into it without losing the game emotionally. It is like dying a slow death that is inclined to induce suffering. I do my best to rise above the suffering. I embrace the feelings for what they are. It is supposed to dissolve the density within vibration. It calls for resilience! I maintain the determination to keep coming back, the only thing now is that I rarely bounce back to any significance. Friends even have a way of disappearing at least from my life because I can no longer engage life in the way they often tend to. Family doesn’t really “get it” either that I simply can’t do some of the basics in life at times like most people do them. I have to get very creative and find myself isolated in many ways. I feel in my body the intensity of dis-ease and pain. The tendency to just want to exit the body for good can at times feel inviting. However my life purpose reminds me otherwise. No matter how this experience plays out I am to journal the entire unfolding of this; whatever “this” ends up showing up as! I am willing to venture to the precipice. It has been suggested that perhaps my illness could be one of the greatest gift I have ever been given. Can I receive it as such? I’m giving that one my best at the moment. This story is a prelude to introduce an element touching countless lives as I write and perhaps helping in some way to drastically alter the way this world views and experiences life. I came into this world to be such a catalyst. You want to know what I really…really…really…really want most in life? It is to really and truly experience what it is to be fully loved and to love unconditionally. I’ve had a smidgin of a taste of that! Lost my soulmate of a year and half back in 2008 to a sudden transitioning. We are all meant to live that kind of love all the time! I know this! I AM that Love so I Am showing up to BEing that! My very being is orchestrating “a doing” that may prove to be phenomenal. I have always known I carried something huge and a vision for it so vast that I’ve never been able to grasp it. Going Big I AM! I choose to surmount those elements that show up as obstacles. Challenges most certainly and opportunities untold perhaps lie wait. Even while at what may appear to be my weakest point in life physically, I discover my greatest strengths and that is to directly and deeply impact as many lives as possible, of others that are actually mere reflections of the One that I AM. I’m a storyteller and always have been and now I walk what has been my talk up until now. I write the story as I create it! I’ve had others cross my path to encourage me to write from my wisdom and insight and to perhaps pursue a modality such as counseling , psychology and such. I am now reaching out to do such in whatever means the Universe opens to me at this point. It is not about how much education, training or certifications one carries nor it is about how money or resources one has or doesn’t have. It is is about giving and receiving solely from a place of love from the heart. Give and it shall be given unto you; good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over shall it be returned time and time again to one who places their life on the cycle of reciprocation. This brings the people and connections and resources into our lives that can be magical. The more we give away has a way of reciprocating back in multiplicity where we further expand that which is freely given and received. This is the way our world needs to return to. It is not to get, gain and accumulate. It is not buy, sell and trade. True wealth resides in ones own heart and no price tag can ever be placed upon it. If there is resistance to such law then some are choosing to continue to allow for the creation of such. How long has this been going on? Long enough! The game is over! Love wins folks; so lets change the channel!

My state of dis-ease follows many years of being silenced and not recognized; where my voice that once held sway was then shunned away. Then I didn’t speak up anymore. I began to feel “less than”. In ways I gave away my power. However one can choose to take their power back at any point. I choose, I intend, I AM, I will and so shall it be! There is a deep sense of the existence of Spirit under-girding and a deep benevolence that has been surfacing. I choose to step away from a flat line state of existence and into the circle of life to help restore the rhythm, the reciprocal, the harmony of common unity. To be a center point that magnetizes and draws the other stories into it; as a magnet point.
Where there are problems and issues confronting us in our daily lives let us come into a circle of council, young and old alike and discuss and find solutions that stem from our commonality rather than fueling the contrast of our differences. Let’s be willing to lay aside our preferences when it comes to upholding the well being of common unity or community. We can create a way of being that honors all equivocally for the highest good of all. Why persist to resist that which no longer serves? Let the old fall away while we create something new that works for all.

I find myself asking as to why I would put myself upon this intensive, arduous labyrinth such as I have? I can only conclude that my higher self is having a such a blast and laughing all the way while the other parts of me are just re-membering what Universal Life is truly all about which is based upon the building blocks of LOVE-JOY-FREEDOM-TRUTH and LIFE. Now how does that spell out to one whose body is so sick and tired of being sick and tired? It is matter of putting many many pieces back together even as the body feels ready to give up and let go. There is nothing wrong with choosing to release the body. There is no judgement to render. I’ll never get it all done and never get it all right; to quote the collective known as Abraham. Meanwhile I work at my ascension path in whatever state I find myself feeling I AM in. In gratitude totally, with all I have around me is what is essential in the moment. Perhaps my life touches some out there that may be finding or have found them selves in a similar situation. None of us are ever alone; misunderstood and not seen for who we are perhaps, but never alone. Let’s embrace hearts and take one another’s hand and just see if we can make this world a better place for all.
Rest comes not always easily however the grace received carries me forth to be the gift that I AM to myself and to each of you who find yourselves connecting to this story. Today it commences and I intend to continue the story as the ability to stay with it remains within.

Love to All,

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